WTF Legal Terms That Don’t Mean What They Sound Like

Growing up, my father had a simple plan for me: become a lawyer or else. And when I say “or else,” I mean the full Asian parent dramatics — “be a lawyer, or I’ll kill myself, or kill you, or both.” Lovely childhood pep talks, right?

So, when I went off to college, I actually did start in criminology, fully ready to live out his fantasy. I thought maybe I could fight for justice, right the wrongs, make a difference. 

Image: A towering Lady Justice statue, blindfolded, holds scales and sword. Numerous kneeling men reach up to her, set in a stone courtyard at twilight.

[

]

Then, in my first year, I asked my professor about the O.J. Simpson case: “How come the guy got to go free just because of a technicality? Where’s the justice in that?” My professor laughed in my face and dropped the truth bomb: “Whoever told you law had anything to do with justice?” That was it. My law career died right there in class.

Image: A sinister courtroom scene with a red-skinned, horned devil as the judge, surrounded by many serious-faced men in suits and robes. The setting feels dark and ominous.

[

]

But here’s the thing: I’ve always found legal jargon fascinating — not just because it’s slippery, but because so many terms sound NOTHING like what they really mean. They’re total WTF words. Here’s a list of my favorites:

Image: Dark, dramatic courtroom scene with several serious-faced men in black suits gathered around a bench. A skeletal figure with horns and judge’s robes ominously presides over everyone from a throne-like chair.

[

]

   ⚖️ WTF Legal Terms Decoded 

• Aggravated Assault 

I used to think it meant “the guy aggravated me, so I assaulted him.” Nope. It means you assaulted someone in a worse way — like using a weapon or causing serious harm.

• Malice Aforethought 

Sounds like brooding hatred.

Actually just means you intended to kill or seriously hurt someone. Hate optional.

• Breaking and Entering 

No, you don’t have to smash windows. Just opening an unlocked door without permission counts.

• Battery 

Not the Energizer Bunny kind. It means you actually touched or hit someone during an assault.

• Mayhem 

You picture riots in the streets, right?

Legally it means causing disfigurement or disabling injury, like cutting off someone’s ear.

• Burglary 

Sounds like stealing. But you don’t even have to take anything. Just unlawfully entering a building with criminal intent.

• False Imprisonment 

Not a fake jail. It’s when you restrain someone against their will — even blocking a doorway can count.   

Why it matters 

Law is like another language — old, twisted, rooted in Latin and English common law. And the scary part is, your freedom or life can hinge on whether you understand these definitions.

Me? I chose not to stay in that world. Because once I heard “law ≠ justice,” I knew I’d be fighting a battle stacked against my heart.

Image: Group of judges and lawyers in black robes and white wigs, standing in rising blue water, looking shocked and alarmed, as if overwhelmed or trapped.

[

]

But hey, I can still laugh at the words that confused me along the way.   

#LawAndOrder #LegalJargon #WTFWords #JusticeNotLaw #AsianParents #StoryTime #JohnnyTiger #BlogLife   

Check out more of my work at 

http://www.johnnytiger.com (documentary + biography) and 

http://www.tigertactile.com (artworks).