酒干倘卖无 — Singing the Weight of Goodbye

I recently performed 《酒干倘卖无》, a song that has followed me for most of my life — whether I wanted it to or not.

The video is embedded below, but before you press play, I want to talk about why this song still hurts, still matters, and still sits heavy in my chest every single time I sing it.

Because this isn’t just a song.

It’s a warning.

It’s a guilt trip.

It’s a love letter written too late.

The Story Behind the Song

《酒干倘卖无》 comes from the 1983 Taiwanese film 《搭错车》 (Papa, Can You Hear Me Sing?), and its story is devastating in its quiet cruelty.

The film tells the story of a mute, impoverished man who survives by collecting and selling empty bottles for recycling. One day, he finds an abandoned baby girl and raises her as his own. He cannot speak, but he understands the world deeply. He cannot express love with words, so he gives everything he has — his body, his labor, his dignity, his life.

As they walk the streets together collecting bottles, a familiar call echoes through the neighborhood:

“酒干倘卖无？”

Anyone got empty bottles?

That cry becomes the sound of survival.

The sound of devotion.

The sound of a father’s love.

The girl grows up, becomes a gifted singer, and eventually rises into fame and comfort — a world far removed from the poverty that raised her. Her father, old and sick, watches her success from afar. When she finally turns back, ready to reconnect, ready to repay what she owes…

She is too late.

The song is her grief.

Her confession.

Her regret.

And that last repeated line — “Anyone got empty bottles?” — becomes a ghostly echo of everything she didn’t say while she still had time.

Growing Up With This Song in Taiwan

I grew up in Taiwan.

This song was inescapable.

By the time I was maybe ten years old, I was already expected to sing it.

My father wanted me to sing it.

My mother wanted me to sing it.

Uncles. Aunties. Family friends.

And it always came wrapped in the same unspoken threat:

“You’d better appreciate me now.

Otherwise one day I’ll be gone,

and you’ll be singing this song and crying,

just like the woman in the story.”

That was love, Taiwanese-style.

Educational. Motivational. Mildly traumatic.

Chinese and Taiwanese parenting has a special talent for teaching gratitude through anticipatory grief. You’re trained early to imagine loss, to fear regret, to carry emotional debt before you’re old enough to understand it.

Singing It Now, From Canada

Now I’m older.

I live alone in Canada.

My relatives are back in Taiwan.

Some are aging.

Some are gone.

And every time I sing this song now, it lands differently.

I carry a constant, low-level fear that one day I’ll wake up to a message saying someone else has passed — and I wasn’t there. No goodbye. No last look. No final meal.

So when I sing 《酒干倘卖无》 now, it feels less like remembering one loss, and more like rehearsing the next one.

A preemptive farewell.

A quiet apology written in advance.

And Yet… Let’s Be Honest

Here’s the part people don’t always like.

My parents did not collect bottles to raise me.

They did not starve.

They did not sacrifice everything in quiet poverty.

They traveled the world.

They lived well.

They gambled in Las Vegas while I was growing up.

So yes — I feel the weight of this song.

But no — they don’t get to claim credit for sacrifices they didn’t make.

This song is powerful because it honors real devotion.

Unpaid love.

Invisible labor.

Quiet endurance.

It does not automatically apply to every parent just because they want their children to feel guilty when they’re gone.

Love should be remembered because it was love — not because fear was used to enforce it.

Why I Still Sing It

I sing this song because it reminds me to stay human.

Because it keeps me soft.

Because it forces me to confront regret before it hardens.

And because, for better or worse, it’s part of who I am — a boy raised in Taiwan, carrying old songs across oceans, trying to make peace with memory, distance, and time.

Thank you for listening.

Thank you for sitting with this song.

And if you still have someone you love — maybe call them tonight.

🎥 Watch the performance here:

    

🌐 Learn more about my music, writing, and documentary work at:

👉 https://johnnytiger.com

🎨 Explore my tactile and visual art projects at:

👉 https://tigertactile.com

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